The nation is approaching 3 good days in a row

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WASHINGTON – Fingering their fingers and hanging their heads in disappointment, the nation confirmed Friday they nearly stuck together three good days in a row. “Oh, just a few more hours in there, and we would have scored a hat-trick,” said Andrew Heitzman, one of 330 million visibly frustrated Americans who sighed loudly before proceeding to assert that three days would have been a record for them. “However, we had a very good course to go there, and we almost stopped the descent. But then we screwed up like we always do. Darn it.” At the time of this news release, the nation indicated that for two whole days there was nothing to sneeze at.

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