Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for 15 years. Over the last couple of years, he became distant.
We have been living with family for almost 10 years. At the beginning of the year we finally got our own place, but nothing has changed.
He likes to drink beer after work. I asked him not to, but he did it anyway. I caught him lying after lie about his alcohol intake and the jobs he left in the past years.
As long as I go with the flow, everything is fine. When I’m feeling down, it always promises to do better, but it doesn’t last long.
Last month, I caught him texting another woman and inviting her to lunch. He even texted that he would plan a trip and let her know! When I asked about it, he told me he was drunk and that he was stupid.
Am I overreacting, or is my husband of 15 years no longer in this marriage?
submerged in Alabama
Dear afflicted: You do not overreact. Whether your husband is drinking because he is no longer “interested” in your marriage or because he is unhappy with other things happening in his life is something no one can guess.
The question is do You are Are you still in this marriage and the person your husband became? Unless these issues are resolved, your marriage will not stand a chance.
Dear Abby: We live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. People here have fallen like flies from COVID-19.
My brother recently passed away from the virus, which is now transmitted through his family, including grandchildren. He was a big presence in our town and held public office.
While everyone else has been delaying commemoration until a safer time, his wife (my sister-in-law) insists on church service. We’ve tried encouraging her to wait, but she says she needs to get over this. Since my brother was so popular, we expect the whole city to pop up. My siblings are all going, but I refuse to come.
There will be a live stream for those who can’t be there in person, which I plan to take advantage of.
How do you get people to take this virus seriously, especially since there are now new variants that can be transmitted more easily?
Responsible sister in the south
Dear Responsible Sister: Please accept my condolences on the loss of your brother. I am sure his absence will be felt by many members of your community. As COVID-19 continues to spread, one would think that people would accept the need to be careful, even when paying the last respects to someone as important as your brother.
It is possible that your sister-in-law in her grief is not fully aware of the fact that what you are planning may endanger the people you care about.
Talk to the pastor who will preside over the funeral and say you care about public safety. Then ask if there is a way for mourners who come in person for social distancing during service. It’s worth a try, and it may prevent further tragedy.
Written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jane Phillips, Dear Abby, it was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.