Dear Amy: Before the pandemic, I hosted a small group of international students in my house for breaks.
My kids, who are in college out of state, were upset with me, saying I should tell them strangers would be home so they could make other plans.
Their argument is that they come home to spend time with me and not with people they don’t know. They feel that this is the time for them to catch up on their hair and bring it down.
What’s your opinion?
The program I volunteered to do this with has started again and has reached out to me.
I enjoy being a substitute for students who are very far from their families, but I don’t want to isolate my children.
Dear empty nest: First: Do your kids know the Thanksgiving wallpaper? Your hospitality is what this unique holiday is all about!
They act selfishly, and their primary motive is that they simply don’t want to get involved.
However, these experiences can be very moving for all involved. In fact, two of my brothers in law met their spouses (international students) under very similar circumstances.
I think you should call their deception. Give them alerts that you will be hosting them. And if they don’t want to go home, maybe they’ll find a generous family in their college town that will accept them.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are both elderly. He works full time and I work part time. We have been married for over 25 years.
He recently told me that he is in a relationship with a 19-year-old girl. When I pressed him for details, he said they’ve been in touch several times a day and have been in touch every day for the past two years.
I am shocked and shocked at what he said to me in his very calm but arrogant manner. The more I cried, the more sadistic he became.
I kept asking why. He finally said he wanted someone younger. I am 13 years younger than him.
He insists on not having a physical intimate relationship, and was just trying to help her.
what do you think? Is he just trying to hurt me or maybe kick me out?
Now there is an ugly divorce ahead.
Should I quit just to take the divorce settlement as offered, or should I fight for everything I can get?
I have a lawyer who advises me to know our assets and our debts and be prepared to divide them, because we live in a state of no-fault.
I’m already in therapy, but it hasn’t helped my state of mind.
sadness at 63
Dear grief: First: at 63, you’re not “too old” – at least in my opinion.
Your husband, 13 years older than you, definitely is.
I realize this sudden change in your life is shocking and heartbreaking, but I hope you try to look at this with the benefit of hindsight.
One year from now, your husband will be another old idiot who met the girl of his dreams online – only to be taken to the cleaners, either emotionally and/or financially – and maybe both.
I am not suggesting that you engage in a long, vicious and costly court battle – but I am suggesting that you find a competent and firm attorney who will do some forensic accounting and look into the couple’s finances ASAP, and begin the process of checking and dividing them – before your spouse has a chance to hide, spend or waste assets shared in this new relationship.
As hard as it may be to face, this is not the time to passively lick your wounds.
Yes, I think your husband is trying to hurt you and kick you out, and if he’s not trying very hard to hurt you, then – at least – he doesn’t care about you.
Stick to the treatment. Think of this as an experience you should try to move on, learning as you go.
Dear Amy: Karima Gran books for you Regarding her grandchildren who did not thank her for her generous financial gifts.
You should try this: send a check and don’t sign it. When they call or text to address the issue, she doesn’t answer.
Uncle was there
Dear uncle: Many people responded and suggested the “not to sign the check” maneuver. It seems like a lot of people have “been there”.
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a message to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.