Dating was disrupted by smokey rooms – The Denver Post
Dear Amy: I am a single father. In the past six months, I’ve met an amazing woman.
I am 45 and she is 41. She has no children, but she is very close to her brother, sister and younger nieces.
They are a very close family. They meet on Sunday.
The problem is that her father is a chronic smoker. He smokes in the house to the point where you can’t breathe, and you’ve been left gasping for air.
I have stopped going home and will not bring my children there. She is well aware why I don’t visit this house, and asks her parents where I am and why he never sees me.
This causes a lot of tension between us, as well as some fights.
I was told that talking to her father and asking him to stop smoking is not an option.
what should be done?
My dad is a non-smoker
my dear father: No, you shouldn’t ask this guy to quit smoking. It’s his life, his home, his addiction.
The very simple explanation for not being able to visit this house is that you have a dangerous reaction when exposed to smoke, or leftovers from it.
If this family has basil cats and you are allergic to dander, you will have to make a similar choice. You wouldn’t ask them to get rid of their cats, but it makes a lot of sense to keep your distance from the house.
None of this prevents you from being close to this family. Take a walk together, take a walk, invite them to your house, take her nieces and your kids on picnics together.
If your friend pressures you to spend time inside an environment that makes you suffer, how good a friend is to you?
This is something you should think about as you continue to work on it.
Dear Amy: A Teacher in Trouble contacted a rare set of items left by one of her students.
I graduated from high school in 1998.
Several years ago, while learning about World War II in American history in the eleventh grade, my grandfather, a veteran of that war, gave me many invaluable items from his time in the service of our country.
I chose to bring these items to school to share with my teachers and classmates, and unfortunately, I failed to bring them home. For many years my family would ask about these things, and I carried a lot of guilt with me for my lack of responsibility for an important part of history and my grandfather’s story.
A few years ago, the high school I attended began a major revamp, prompting many teachers to move out of the classrooms they had taught for decades.
One evening, I was waiting in a hallway outside my little daughter’s class, and my American history teacher passed me by.
I asked him about the long-lost things, and he told me to wait a few minutes.
On his return he carried with him all the things I had left in the classroom nearly 20 years ago! I’ve kept it for many years, waiting for me to come back to claim it.
When he cleaned up his classroom for a move, he found them in the back of the locker and kept them, hoping that one day they would come back to my family.
My eyes fill with tears as I write this, years later, and I cannot thank him enough for keeping them safe.
I encourage the Teacher to do everything in their power to locate the student or family member who legitimately owns these items.
Dear lesson learned: I am happy to publish your reunion story, hoping it inspires a “teacher in trouble” to make greater efforts to relate these legacies to their companions.
Dear Amy: I would love to have my nieces and nephews in my life.
When I was in my twenties, I contracted HIV. I fell ill in 1979, and was diagnosed in 1983.
I pulled away because I was told I would die in a few years.
Now at 65 – I’m so sorry. They have their lives, and I just wish they would mail me pictures. Maybe they will read this?
– mat in Boston
Dear Matt: I’d be happy to provide a connection, but please do your best to get in touch with them as well.